Remember your courage and move forward

"Nervous about taking a risk? Just remember when you did something that really took guts. You’ll discover that you’ve always had what it takes to do what you want, says Real Simple’s life coach, Gail Blanke."

The premise of this article is that, when you're facing a challenge or being held back by fear or uncertainty, remembering your life's defining moments (when you overcame adversity and used some deep inner strength) will help you move forward.

I talk to a lot of people who don't think they can "do" public speaking. They fear judgment, they fear being revealed as an impostor, they fear boring the audience, and on and on.

If they were to sit down for a few minutes and think about some times in their lives where they thought they couldn't do something but did it and succeeded - and found that inner courage - they might realize that they can do it. They can do anything.

Here's one of my defining moments. It happened about five years ago.

I was the brand new training coordinator for a large nonprofit organization and I was having a lot of trouble getting responses from my counterpart at a nearby college who was supposed to be partnering with us in a new training program. The seeds had been sown by my predecessor, but now I couldn't get her to return phone calls or e-mails. I was ready to give up on this partnership altogether, but I didn't have the authority to make that decision.

Finally, there was a breakthrough, and she came to a meeting with our top-level directors to hammer out the details of the contract. Everyone in the room knew that she had been unresponsive and difficult to work with for months, but it seemed that no one was going to address the issue.

I sat there in the meeting, realizing that I was going to have to say something. My heart started pounding, I could feel my face heating up, and I missed half of what was said due to the ringing in my ears. Right before the meeting was to wrap up, I took the plunge.

I stated that she had been unresponsive in the past and I needed reassurance that she would follow up on her part of the contract in the future. The room fell silent.

She responded, making excuses and defending herself, and I thought, "Great, I just opened my mouth for nothing, because she refuses to acknowledge that anything was wrong. And no one will back me up."

Then the Executive Director spoke, authoritatively, I might add. He demanded that she take responsibility for following through, that she respond to e-mails or phone calls within 24 hours as was our policy for our staff, and that she respect our partnership by being reliable and considerate of the partners. He even karate-chopped his hand a few times, if you know what I mean.

She agreed, meekly.

When the meeting was over, several directors came to me and shook my hand, and thanked me for bringing up the issue. It was a huge moment for me, standing up for myself and the organization, and discovering that everyone else was just as uncomfortable as I was confronting the issue. I was no longer the "new guy" after that, nor was I intimidated by the directors, as I realized that they trusted and supported me.

What are some of your defining moments and how have they moved you forward?

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